I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
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you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
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IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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