i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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