This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
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he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
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She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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