Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
