You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My penis needs a shock collar
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
