dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
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I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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