Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
