Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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