We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
