When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it glows. i had to have it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
