Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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