If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
