he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
