is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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