dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
