My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i love accidental penises.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Randomize
