my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
