Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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