We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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