i was born a porn star she said
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
