don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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