Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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