New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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