I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
