Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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