i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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