my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
