i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
