I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.