Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You had me at "let me see your balls"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!