I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I need moral support for this bender
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You have to summon your inner elephant
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?