Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
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Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
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I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."