I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
