Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
