we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
