There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sorry my hands just texted you
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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