You smell like stripper and shame
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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