dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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