I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
