Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
