so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
