yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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