Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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