Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize