Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
