god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
