I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
