Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
