Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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