I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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