i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
