Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
