Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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