Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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