oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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