no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
