goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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