I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
