We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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