you guys were way drunker than both of me
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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