the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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