just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
