i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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