make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
