I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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