i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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