I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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