My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
