I am full of burrito and curiosity
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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