I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize