where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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