Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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