:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
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