I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
