totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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