every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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