So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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