know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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