just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
