tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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