Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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