just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
